Why People Fall
In and Out Of Love,
and How Love
Only When We Consider “Love” As Being “A Chemistry” Can We Begin To Understand It.
We all hear that expression “there was an immediate chemistry between them” meaning, they fell in love. — Well that description: “chemistry” actually is what takes place when a person feels the emotion of falling in love. — What causes that love chemistry effect within us, is the hormone “dopamine” which physiologists and endocrinologists term “the hormone of love”. — There is also a dopamine companion hormone called “oxytocin” which gives us the sensation to want to cuddle someone, which is why this hormone is called “the cuddle hormone”. — The way we feel emotionally, is influenced by hormones. — Even the extreme emotions of anger and rage are accompanied by an excessive release of the hormone testosterone and autoimmune produced steroids called Corticosteroids.
Why Doesn’t “The Honeymoon Period” Last Longer?
It is common for that “Honemoon Period”, or abundant romance and extreme loving cuddly period we go through when we first meet someone we are totally attracted to, and who, in turn, is totally attracted to us, to only last for around 3 months to 3 years. — The duration that this feeling of bliss lasts for, is totally controlled by what we focus on. — If we purposly encourage our mind to “only” focus on positive attributes of the person we fell in love with, and continually force our mind to ignore their negative personality traits, and we all have them, we can remain in control of that beautiful loving “Honeymoon Period” feeling, to keep it going forever. — (L/C here to read a poem titled “My Honeymoon Period Will Never End”, written by a man, a real romantic, who is head over heels in love, with the love of his life, but he was far too stubborn and as a consequence, she fell out of love with him and left him, because she allowed her mind to stay focused on mistakes he made due to his independant attitude and inability to communicate.
He was mainly to blame, but she also was a poor communicator due to her independant attitude. — I have counselled many couples who suffer this terrible fate and down the track, they usually end up wondering why they terminated their beautiful relationship without trying harder, to communicate, minimize their independance, and put a little more effort into drawing their partner closer rather than pusing him/her away. — Neither of them may ever find true love again, who knows.)
Love Requires A Combination Of Needs To Begin To Flourish.
Once you meet somebody who has the physical attributes you like, who displays a similar level of intellegance and sense of humor, and has the financial standing you are comfortable with, your heart will then allow you to fall in love, and as a result, your heart will encourage your mind to constantly focus on all of those positive loveable attributes you first noticed. — After you make a definite decision to love a person, your mind will even work overtime, seemingly on it’s own, to help you find more and more positive things about your new-found lover, for you to focus your conscious thoughts on all day long.
Here is how the feeling of “true love” develops. — Those continuous love-based positive thoughts you stay focused on, increases the release of dopamine more and more, until you finally develop the feeling of being “head over heels in love”. — The more often you focus on your lover’s positive attributes, the more dopamine and oxytocin you release and the more “in love” you feel and the more you are compelled to cuddle your mate. — That Honeymoon Period feeling is totally controled by how often you focus on your partner’s positive attributes and how often you reject any thoughts of his/her negative ones, so as to keep the level of dopamine and oxytocin high in your system.
How Do People Totally Lose Their Love For Someone They Are Head Over Heels In Love With?
To answer to this question, I must first explain that each hormone in the endocrine system, has at least one other hormone which acts as a “suppresant”, that can counteract it to either stop us from releasing enough of it to give us the emotion it creates, or, can neurtalize it to stop us from feeling the emotion it creates. — Even if we release a lot of dopamine, if we are also releasing a lot of cortisol (the sadness depression hormone), the dopamine being released will not be capable of making us feel the emotion of love because cortisol is a dopamine suppresant. — This means, a person can be totally in love, thus release a lot of dopamine, yet they can all too often allow their thoughts to continually focus on a disappointing character trait in their partner, and thereby trigger a release of cortisol to stop the dopamine from giving them the feeling of love. — To me, this is as though God Himself designed our system to sabotage our feelings of love and happiness if we put too much energy into focusing on negatives in life.
True Love Can Take A Lifetime To Find, and Some People “NEVER” Find It.
What we focus on, is what comes to pass… If we focus on negative personality traits in a loving partner, through self-training, eventually that is all our mind will let us see in them, and that shortsightedness can destroy a beautifully fulfilling love that can take a lifetime to find. — “NEVER” focus on any negative personality traits in a partner when the love is worth holding on to. — Rather, pray over any negative personality traits and use the art of persuasion to lovingly influence your partner to work on personal development, while “you” make your own changes, not be so independant and non-communicative so as to risk encouraging those negative traits in your partner, to grow.
Remember, it always takes two people to break down a loving relationship between two people.
Here is a scripture that matches with this hormonal activity within us. — Proverbs, chapter 23, verse 7: “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he“. — (“NEVER” think negatively in matters of true love worth saving!)
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